"You Never Know What Goes on Behind Closed Doors"

How we portray and conduct ourselves in society, in the majority of cases, is not necessarily representative of our true selves...or even what is occurring when nobody is watching. As we discussed in class, I have found myself to be particularly drawn to more darker, gloomier and even twisted photographs. I believe that the camera has an uncanny ability to capture emotional undertones and hidden thoughts that the subject or situation isn't necessarily trying to show. In other words, the camera captures what is really going on. We always hear examples of how a person expresses what they are feeling through their eyes - the "windows of the soul." Even though a person may be smiling in a picture and supposedly happy, their eyes can juxtapose the perceived happiness with sadness or signs of suffering.
I believe that everybody has an untold story and that everybody has secrets. Sometimes, the only way to remotely convey that person's real self is through a photograph. All too often, I feel that darker photographs have a deeper meaning and strike somebody on a more personal and deeper level. Last year, I underwent painful back surgery after two years of intermittent feeling in my legs. Looking at my face, my body or the way I act, one would never know the suffering and the depression that had occurred just months before. For that reason, one of my self - portraits is the scar on my back. It will forever be a piece of me - forever a reminder of what I have been through and my darkest days.
The next time you look at someone, I hope you wonder how well you really know them...or how well they really know you.

le lait miraculeux de la vierge

OK, so first off I am going to warn you that this picture is pretty freaky so I apologize to those who I have just offended/scared/turned on (haha just kidding...I hope...). Since I was at home all week, I decided to go to Barnes & Noble and a couple other local new/used bookstores to find a better selection. My main focus was to find books geared more toward fashion photography or portrait photography, but the selection was unfortunately not very vast. I did find a really cool book, however, by photographer Bettina Rheims called "Heroins." The photographs could be defined by a combination of obscure fashion, portrait, nude and borderline erotic. Either way, the photographs were beautiful but there was always a tone of underlying suffering. Maybe it had to do with the bleak backgrounds in each photo or the expression on the model's face...either way, the captured images were so strong yet had elements of vulnerability at the same time.

Anyway, I had a picture in mind that I wanted to post on the blog (a lot more tame then this one, I promise) and when I came home I google - imaged the picture, then Bettina Rheim's name because I was curious about her other photographs and her books. I found that a lot of her other work is way more erotic and even pornographic. Most of these works were on websites written in a language other than english, which I found amusing because, of course, the Europeans would be less uptight about these images than most Americans. When I came upon this picture, it struck me so profoundly that I had to put it up instead of my previously selected picture. The most information that I could find on it was that it is from a collection called "Le Lait Miraculeux de la Vierge" which I believe says something along the lines of "the miraculous milk of the virgin" (?) I am not exactly sure because I speak spanish, not french. I could find no information about the photograph in english. I would love to understand the title more deeply because I feel it would give me more of an idea as to what the picture is really about. However, my interpretation was less along the lines of religion and more along the lines of repressed women in the Middle East. I feel that it represents suppressed, even damaged femininity and I love the contrast and the conflict that is occurring between the covering on her head and her exposed breast.

Buenos Aires & Libertad

First of all, I have to give an update on the whole 1940's photo shoot thing: SUCCESS!!!!! This time I made sure NOT to put fixer in first and the pictures came out beautifully!! We were able to re - create everything from last time - the hair, makeup, poses, etc. and the girls did so well with posing! I used a lot of the studio lights and hung them from the ceiling and turned the background lights off. My antique light meter is functioning beautifully and the pictures came out exactly how I wanted them to. I mostly kept it on 16 aperture with a 125 shutter speed if I remember correctly. On one picture I even experimented and set the shutter speed to 60 so it would over - expose a little and it actually came out really cool!! It is a picture of one of the girls with a sailor- marine type hat on and she's saluting. The over - exposure really makes the picture look a lot older than it is, which is really cool. My only disappointment came when I excitedly showed the contact sheet to my mom and asked her if she thought of "1940's" when she looked at them and she honestly told me no. With the contact sheet you really can't see a lot of face detail...or any detail for that matter so I will make a few prints and see if that makes it any better. I realize you have to really look at what your pictures are telling you, instead of trying to see what you want to see. I can't get too disappointed because I realize this is the first time I have really worked with a manual camera and film and even without photoshopping a picture to oblivion. The other difficulty I had was using such a small lens. I definitely am going to have to experiment more with the telescopic lens to capture exactly what i want up close and get a lot of nothingness out of the picture. When I look at some of my favorite ads it is obvious they're using a special lens that lets them focus on just their subject and cut everything else out.

Anyway, I just got back from the beautiful Buenos Aires, Argentina!! I took three rolls of film with me which I immediately regretted because I could have shot 400! This whole photography thing is so frustrating because now I start to see everything with a frame around it and as a photo op. I think my mom wanted was ready to choke me at a couple points because everywhere I looked I commented that something "would make SUCH a great picture!" After shooting the 1940's shoot I definitely made it a point to photograph more using the telescopic lens. I loved the detail I was able to capture!!

The first roll consists of a shady street that was just filled with these old cars - it was like a time warp!! On that same street, I was getting ready to take a picture when, all of a sudden, this amazing 1940's old Ford farm truck came down the street and it was PACKED with little kids hanging out the top. I tried to photograph it as best I could because they were moving so quickly, but if it comes out it will be such a great memory. It is moments like that that make me so excited at the prospect of being a professional photographer...On one of the second days we went to this amazing cemetary in which all the tombs were above ground and only famous people were buried there. It was really creepy because there was just silence and there were tons of cats just running around. They let the cats roam around there because they say it is good luck or something like that. Anyway, it was a great opportunity to capture some great composition photos and just get the creepy factor on film. Another cool thing was that you see these dog walkers everywhere with anywhere from four even 12 dogs on a leash! I took a couple shots of those and I think they will be so cute. One of the days we went to this private island with this unbelievable mansion where the landscaping was just something out of a movie! They hired those living statues to be planted all over the place and they were simply beautiful! They were women pained all in white and had elaborate costumes. I seriously hope those come out because they will be phenomenally beautiful. One of my favorite (and last) rolls consists of a tango show that we saw. I definitely used the telescopic lens on this one because the woman performing had such strong expression and emotion on her face. I also even experimented with the self timer!! I refused to let anyone else take my picture with my camera and I was absolutely determined to do it myself. It only counts as a self portrait if I take it myself!!! Anyway, I wasted about five frames because it went off before I could even partly get in front of the camera but I finally got the hang of it.

Well, I can't wait to develop them and see how they came out!! I'll keep you posted.

CIAO amigos,

~Sara